


Happy Valentine's Day, You Cockroach

by allwaswell16



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Cockroaches, Enemies to Lovers, Exes, Getting Back Together, Hate to Love, Humor, I just remembered there were some sloths in the background sort of, M/M, Meerkats, Sassy Niall, Valentine's Day, Zoo, Zoo Director Harry, i'm sorry in advance, livestream, sloths
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-27 23:36:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17776376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allwaswell16/pseuds/allwaswell16
Summary: Harry Styles, new director of the Milltown Zoo, has a great idea for a Valentine's Day themed fundraiser. For a donation, they'll name cockroaches after people's exes and then feed them to the meerkats on a live stream. He just didn't foresee how many cockroaches would end up with his name...





	Happy Valentine's Day, You Cockroach

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure what to say for myself. I wrote a fic with meerkats and cockroaches. Oh, and it's about Valentine's Day. What says Valentine's Day more than cockroaches, right? 
> 
> This fic was based on [this news story](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/el-paso-zoo-name-a-cockroach-after-your-ex-feed-to-meerkat-valentines-day-feb-14/) that one of my unsuspecting friends sent me the other day, and I could not stop thinking about it as a Larry au. So that's how we got here. 
> 
> Thank you to my beta taggiecb for reading this over for me and always being the first person I want to share my writing with. And thank you to the Life Ruined chat for encouraging me to write this silliness.

🖤

 

“Harry, Channel 8 is here!” Liam calls out from his assistant director’s office, just next door to Harry's own office.

“Be right there!”

Harry straightens his black, button down shirt with the Milltown Zoo logo emblazoned just above the pocket. He knows he probably stinks a little from hanging out in the Colobus monkeys enclosure all afternoon, but there isn’t much he can do about it. He is the director of a zoo after all. He supposes it’s a hazard of the job to smell like monkeys when you’re being interviewed on local television.

He walks out of his office and into the main area of the educational center, where he quickly spots the cameraman and the reporter who have been sent to interview him about a fundraiser the zoo is sponsoring.

The interviewer turns a toothy grin in his direction. “And you must be Mr. Styles? I’m Maria. Nice to meet you. We were thinking of filming you right here in front of the sloths.”

Harry turns and sees the three sloths that live in an enclosure in the educational center slowly going about their business without so much as a glance at the visitors. At least they won’t make a ruckus as he’s speaking like the goats and sheep in the petting zoo area would. “Sure. This is probably a good spot.”

They position him properly and mic him before turning the camera on.

As soon as the camera light flashes on Maria turns all business. “Maria Raya here for a Channel 8 exclusive with Milltown Zoo’s new director, Harry Styles. Harry, can you tell us what led you to take the director’s position here?”

Harry fishmouths for a moment because he thought this whole interview would be about the fundraiser. “Er, yes--um, I worked here as a zookeeper right out of college, mainly with the primates, but I left for an assistant director’s job at the El Paso Zoo in Texas a year and a half ago. When I heard the director’s position was open here, I knew it was time to come home.”

He thinks that sounds believable. Better than, _I came home because I’m still in love with my ex-boyfriend and I’m hoping Louis will take me back._

“A hometown director. The community and the zoo board were looking for just that in a zoo director,” Maria beams. “Can you tell us a little about this very amusing fundraiser you’re currently running?”

Harry grins. He makes sure his dimples are on display as he looks into the camera, just doing his best to sell this fundraiser to as many people as possible. “Yes, I’d love for the community to get involved in this particular fundraiser. It’s something I brought back from Texas with me. They run this particular fundraiser every year at the El Paso Zoo, and it’s very popular.”

“It has something to do with cockroaches, I’ve heard?” Monica prompts.

“Yes, for a small donation, you can name a cockroach after your ex or anyone else you’d like, and we’ll feed the cockroaches to the meerkats on a live stream that you can view by clicking the link on our website. We’ll be doing this all next week, every day leading up to Valentine’s Day. It’s kind of a fun way to celebrate, I think.” He flashes his best smile to the camera again.

Maria smiles toothily again. “That does sound like a fun way to raise money for the zoo.”

“Yes, all proceeds will go towards our educational fund that helps subsidize field trips to the zoo and other educational opportunities here. In addition to the livestream, one of our zookeepers will be reading off the names of the cockroaches as they’re fed to the meerkats and also the names will be posted on black hearts near the meerkat enclosure. We’ll accept any first names and last initials or nicknames. We won’t be putting full names, so no need to worry too much if you didn’t call someone back last week.” He winks into the camera.

Maria chuckles. He knows it’s a fake laugh, but all the same, he thinks the segment went well.

 

🖤

 

There’s a decent response to the fundraiser, and Liam says they’ve received plenty of names for cockroaches for the first live stream. He's feeling pretty great about it as they walk towards the Small Mammal House until Harry remembers who his zookeeper is for the small mammals. He cringes at the thought of having to speak with his ex’s best friend again directly.

He spots him already next to the meercats holding a box.

“Hi, Niall.”

“Hello, Director Styles,” Niall answers, cooly as he slams a clear box of live cockroaches down next to the meerkat enclosure.

“Well, don’t kill them all before the livestream,” Harry jokes.

Niall gives him a withering glare. “Are you saying I don’t know how to take care of my animals, Director?”

“Um--”

Liam steps between them and cuffs Niall on the shoulder. “Haha! Of course Harry knows how well you take care of the mammals, Niall! Now let’s set up the camera so that we can position you just right to feed the cockroaches to them. I have the list of names right here for you for today’s cockroaches, and I’ll post the black hearts on the wall after we’re done.”

As soon as the camera’s on, Niall instantly transforms back into the Niall everyone knows and loves. “Hey, Milltown! I’m Niall Horan, and I’m one of the Milltown Zoo zookeepers. Part of my job involves caring for the small mammals here at the zoo, which of course includes feeding them your ex-boyfriends. Well, in the form of their cockroach counterparts anyway.”

Liam beams a huge smile and nudges Harry. They both know Niall’s doing well already.

Niall climbs into the enclosure with his box of cockroaches. “Let’s go ahead and get started. I can see the meerkats are hungry for the black hearted villains who broke your hearts.”

Niall grabs one of the cockroaches out of the box and examines him for a moment. “This is Ryan Z. Ryan, enjoy being eaten alive. I know we will.”

Niall places the cockroach close to a meerkat and watches gleefully as it captures and eats Ryan.

“Liz A., you must have done something really bad for us to feed you to a meerkat. Rest in pieces.”

“Alexander E., your submission came with a whole story about you. I can’t repeat what it said, but you sound like a pretentious, entitled jerk. We’re all glad to see you go.”

Niall continues on with the rest of the cockroaches, clearly relishing his role in this.

“And now for our last one of the day, Harold S., you deserve this.”

The last one gives him a bit of a jolt. His name isn’t Harold, but it’s a little too close for comfort, especially since it’s something Louis used to call him. He watches Liam post a black heart with the name Harold S. on it onto the wall. He’s glad the fundraiser seems to going well, but he can’t help but be reminded of his own ex when they’re talking about Valentine’s Day.

Niall turns and grins to the camera. “Thanks for donating to the Milltown Zoo! If you have an ex you’d like to dishonor by feeding them to a meerkat, please click on the link below! See you tomorrow!”

 

🖤

 

“Hi, Milltown! We’ve got some juicy ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends to feed to some meerkats today! Hope you’re as excited as I am!”

“I don’t think anyone is as excited as Niall to feed cockroach exes to meerkats,” Harry mumbles under his breath to Liam. Niall must have supersonic hearing because he immediately gives him a side eye before quickly snapping back into live stream mode.

“First up, we have H. E. S. Ooh, even a middle initial there. Guess someone really wants H. E. S. to know they want to feed them to wild animals.”

Niall doesn’t glance up, but hearing his own initials read out like that is making his stomach churn a little.

 

🖤

 

“Milltown, how are you? Just a few days before Valentine’s Day, but you still have time to join us in feeding your exes to our wonderful meerkats who will be happy to dispose of their bodies for you!”

“Niall!” Liam hisses off camera.

“Their cockroach bodies, of course. Let’s pick out a nice big one to start for Steph B. Wow, she got eaten quickly! The meerkats are hungry for exes today!”

Niall picks up another cockroach and eyes it closely.

“This one looks particularly nasty. Perfect for--” Niall consults the list. “Ah yes, Harry S. You won’t last long in here, Harry S.”

Harry presses his lips together. If _Harold S._ and _H.E.S._ weren’t tip offs, his actual name and initial along with Niall’s comments pretty much are.

Liam dutifully hangs the black heart with his name on it on the wall of the Small Mammal House. He doesn’t even bother to pretend he doesn’t know it’s Harry. He hangs it right next to the other two black hearts that he now clearly realizes represent him.

 

🖤

 

“And we’re back, Milltown. Your resident Small Mammal House zookeeper, Niall, here to tell you that you have only one day left to feed your ex to zoo animals! It’s for charity, so that makes it okay and not petty in the least.”

Harry waits for some version of his name to come up at some point, and he can’t help but stand here like a fool waiting for it, teeth gritted. If Louis is angry enough to feed him to meerkats every day why did he never text him back when he said he was moving back home? Why didn’t he call and yell at him and tell him what he really thought?

There are only two cockroaches left in the box, and he doesn’t think Niall has said anything approximating his name yet.

“Emmett S., you’re about to be ingested. Good riddance to you. And last, we have Hazza S. Interesting name there. Must be a nickname of some sort--”

“That’s not subtle!”

“Please excuse that rude interruption. Not sure what that was about. Now let’s go ahead and feed Hazza to our lovely mammalian predators here who would never treat their childhood sweethearts poorly.”

 

🖤

 

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Milltown! You can check out the money we raised for Milltown Zoo right here on our website. Thanks so much for all your donations! We have a lot of cockroach exes to feed to our meerkat friends today, so let’s get started, shall we?”

“I have a really ugly cockroach, probably the grossest one I’ve ever seen right here, but don’t worry, _Texas Harry S._ is about to be history. Hey, what are you doing--”

Harry turns the camera to face him. “Sorry to interrupt this livestream. Thank you all for your donations. I’d just like to tell _Louis T._ that _Texas Harry_ never stopped loving him even when he was in Texas, and that he made many mistakes but none were worse than leaving him even though Louis T. told him to go. Texas Harry wishes he’d listened to his heart and not let anything get in the way of he and Louis T. being together. And if he’s watching, which I assume he is, seeing as how he’s paid a lot of money to name cockroaches after me every day this week, I’d just like to say Happy Valentine’s Day, and I hope you’ll be home when I show up later today with a bouquet of pink roses and my heart. I still love you even though you want to feed me to meerkats.”

 

🖤

 

“So you still love me, huh?”

Louis looks even more beautiful than Harry remembers, standing in the doorway of his house, one eyebrow raised to the sky, but the hint of a curve to his lips.

“I do.” Harry stares into the blue eyes he still sees in his dreams. “Can I come in?”

“Well, I suppose I wouldn’t want those flowers to wilt,” Louis says, eying the huge bunch of roses.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Lou.”

“Happy Valentine’s Day, you cockroach.”

“Your cockroach?”

Louis can’t seem to hide his smile any longer. “Mine.”

  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading my zoo/Valentine's Day/cockroaches and meerkats fic! If you enjoyed this, please leave kudos or comments! [Here's the fic post](http://allwaswell16.tumblr.com/post/182805038316/happy-valentines-day-you-cockroach) if you'd like to reblog it for me and spread the word about feeding your ex to a meerkat.


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